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2005 Week 14

12th Man,

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving holiday. I had originally planned for this e-mail to be a giant tabulation of all the college football things for which I was thankful, but I quickly realized the list would spiral out control as I included everything from Bevo to the Sweater Girls. So let us just be thankful there is another week of regular season college football and a plethora of bowl games left to play.

Slept through GameDay this weekend. Chris, Lee, Kirk, & crew were in Houston for the Battle of the Bands (does anyone seriously think they were there to watch Grambling and Southern play football?). For those of you in dire need of a recap:

I'm not exactly sure what it means to get a little zing in my zang zang, but I'm all for it.

Trev update.

ABC should be absolutely embarrassed by their announcing and reporting on Friday. The feature on the 12th Man in AggieLand was great. It was all downhill after that. John Saunders sounds like he should be a "That's Incredible!" co-host, and Aaron Taylor ought to be handing me fries & a soft drink from my favorite burger joint. And having Gary Thorne and Mike Tirico as the play-by-play men for two of the biggest rivalry games in college football - WTF? This isn't the NHL. Pathetic. CBS normally isn't much better, but the guest appearance by Archie Manning as a studio analyst was outstanding (that sounded like a Lou Holtz quote, minus the lisp). When Corso bites the dust the elder Manning should be the first person ESPN calls. Archie's best suggestion of the weekend was to select an all-star team from the Big 12 North to take on Texas in the Big 12 championship game next weekend in Houston.

Additionally, the media need to stop declaring Reggie Bush the winner of the Heisman race because VY didn't put up 500+ yards against the Aggies. There needs to be a factor by which we can multiply Pac-10 stats when considering players for the Heisman. After extensive statistical analysis, I declare that factor to be the square root of 2. ... ESPN reported on Friday that 2% of Heisman voters have already turned in their ballots. Those morons need their votes revoked and given to people who will actually watch all the games. Like me. RB and VY both have big games on December 3rd. An outstanding performance by either player could sway voters; I say we hold off voting until the 2nd week in January. ... On to the conference reviews.

Last Monday the University of Miami ordered student Kyle Munzenrieder (he of www.miamity.com fame who revealed to the masses the 7th Floor Crew misogynistic rap song created by a group including UM football players) out of student housing for the rest of the semester. Real classy. Nothing like shooting the messenger. Coach Coker and University officials should be ashamed of themselves. A whopping 37000+ showed up for the Hurricanes' defeat of an inspired Virginia team on Saturday. So much for that home field advantage at the Orange bowl.

Virginia Tech defeated the Fighting Buntings from UNC to earn a spot in the first ever ACC championship game. ... NC State defeated the Fighting Friedgens from Maryland to become bowl eligible. That should buy Chuck "DD" Amato another season at the helm. Not sure what to make of the Turtle's problems. Teams coached by Ralph Friedgen usually get better as the year goes on. They'll have until next season to ponder what went wrong. ... Additional ACC action moved to the SEC portion of our e-mail, because it's clear that conference was playing better football on Saturday.

Big Least/MAC/Directional/WAC
West Virginia Pittsnogled (oh wait, wrong sport) Pittsburgh in the Backyard Brawl on Turkey Day. Not a good year for Dave Wannstedt, who proved he is just as capable at running college programs into the ground as he is pro ones. In a few years I predict he'll be forming a self-help group with Bill Callahan. ... SUNJ moved to 7-4 after thrashing Cincinnati. The Scarlet Knights are, dare I say, bowl eligible despite losing to Illinois. Unbelievable. ... South Florida blew their shot at a BCS game (thank goodness) when they choked against Connecticut in Storrs. First LCCMOTW goes to USF's Jim Leavitt for attempting a trick play (looked like it was going to be a reverse with a pass option) on 4th-and-7 with the game on the line. Dumbass. ... Louisville defeated Syracuse without much of a struggle. Only significant news from the contest was a knee injury to Cardinals QB Brian Brohm. No word yet on his status for next week's game against UConn.

Directional (Northern) Illinois trounced Directional (Western) Michigan to earn a berth in the MAC championship game. Enjoy the Motor City Bowl. ... In Directional Illinois action, Southern defeated Eastern to advance to the quarterfinals of the 1-AA playoffs. ... Fresno State lost to Nevada (Nevada?) and once again failed to win the WAC. Makes me wonder even more about the quality of USC and Notre Dame.

I'd probably drink, too, if I was fired from one of the best jobs in the country and marooned in the 4-7 MAC wasteland known as Ohio University (not to be confused with THE Ohio State University). Wouldn't be driving after imbibing, though.

Big Ten
Only game this weekend was Wisconsin's drubbing of Hawaii in Honolulu. Thankfully we shouldn't have to see Barry Alvarez wearing a Hawaiian shirt anymore.

Bret hasn't even taken over head coaching duties and supporters are already jumping off the bandwagon.


At home with Lloyd.

Big 12
Second LCCMOTW goes to Texas A&M coach Dennis Franchione for using the SAPF against the Longhorns. Inevitably, Texas blocked a punt and returned it for a touchdown. It's a sad state of affairs when coaches making millions of dollars can't recognize that the SAPF does not work. If it did, the best teams in the country would be using it. Even Lloyd realized (after two painful games) that it's not the way to go. :)

"When the shit hits the band."

You can't spell stupid without T.U.

And not to be outdone, Longhorn fans countered with an A&M joke.
Q. How do Aggies practice safe sex?
A. By getting rid of all the animals that kick

First ever John L. Smith interview jackass of the week (JLSIJOTW) goes to the discipline disciple himself, Gary Barnett. I'm not sure I fully comprehend how Nebraska going to a no-huddle offense with less than two minutes left in the half is disrespectful to the Buffalo defense. Ralphie must've ralphed at the sight of the 'Huskers running roughshod over CU defenders. And Big Red got a royal screw job by the Colorado clock operator and referees at the end of the first half. Instead of kicking a field goal with a few seconds left they were told time had expired and were forced off the field for halftime. Where's Lloyd when you need him to berate the officials for an extra few seconds on the clock? And the always classy Colorado hippies were out in full force during the second half (see link below). GB spent more time yelling at officials than persuading students to stop throwing items onto the field. On the other end of the spectrum, JoePa put the fear of God in Penn State students when they were throwing snowballs at players in the mid-90's. I even started behaving after Paterno's sprint down the sideline and subsequent threat, and I was only sitting on the couch at the time.

The only way to get 'Holers to understand physics. Apologies to Joel.

There was an Adrian Peterson sighting in Norman as the star sophomore running back led the Sooners to victory over Oklahoma State in the Bedlam Series contest. If he stays healthy look for the Sooners to surge back to national prominence next year. ... Iowa State fell to the Fighting Manginos in Lawrence, costing them a chance to get clobbered by Texas in the Big 12 title game. Gary Barnett should send a Christmas card to ISU coach Dan McCarney, as this is the second year in a row that a Cyclone choke job as allowed the Buffs to backdoor their way into the conference championship contest.

Third LCCMOTW goes to Walt Harris, who put his team in a prevent defense after going up 31-30 on Notre Dame with less than two minutes left in the 4th quarter. The only thing it prevented was Stanford winning the game. And somebody please buy Charlie Weis a handkerchief. Even though the Domers don't deserve a bowl game, I'm thankful their postseason appearance will be in a warm weather state. Nobody needs to see that again. Dan Fouts added to the general debacle of ABC announcing this weekend just by showing up for work on Saturday. I'm a little sick & tired of hearing how Charlie's three Super Bowl rings qualify him to call plays for the Irish. I could've come up with a game winning drive against a team that went into a prevent shell (and lost to UC-Davis earlier in the year). Davis!

One of the few entertaining Notre Dame football sites on the intarweb.

Leave the sheep alone.

Les Diables du Soleil pulled out a last-second victory over their rivals from Tucson. That may have earned them an appearance in the Insight.com Bowl against SUNJ (!). It also may have bought some time for Coach Dirk Diggler, err, Koetter. Arizona is on the way up, however, and should be going to bowl games in the near future (assuming their oh-so-ethical coach doesn't land the Wildcats on probation).

Big matchup this weekend when USC meets UCLA at the Rose Bowl. And don't look now, because LenDale White just went down in practice on Sunday with a shoulder injury. Probably won't matter anyway with the "olé" efense (remember, minus the D) on exhibit every week in Pac-10 football. Even if the Bruins win, the Trojans get the conference's automatic BCS bid (even though both teams would be 7-1 in conference play). What? I'm sure Keith Jackson and (unfortunately) Dan Fouts will spell it out for all of us. Perhaps they can get Stephen Hawking to help.

LUS unexpectedly struggled against the Fighting Nutts from Arkansas. If the Razorbacks field goal kicker didn't suddenly come down with a case of the John Vaughns, it would be Les Tigres du Auburn instead of LSU playing Jawja in the SEC title game next weekend. The Arkansas kicker shanked two very makeable field goals, and LSU prevailed 19-17.

Florida throttled the Seminoles in Gainesville on Saturday afternoon. Just another good ol'-fashioned ass-whoopin'. I think we should be allowed to see what sort of offense the Head Bawl Coach rolls out on the Gators' first possession of every game before finalizing our weekly picks. If Billy Lasko isn't on the field or shovel pass is used, the picks automatically default to Florida's opponent. The Gators moved to 8-3 with the victory and have plenty of time to prepare for a trip to Shreveport. You really can't spell "Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl" without Urban. :) Meanwhile, the Seminoles lost three games in a row for the first time since 1983. Wow. Despite finishing 5-3 in league play, Florida State secured a spot in the ACC championship game to be played this Saturday. Weak.

Unsportsmanlike? This guy should stick to geography. Wonder what he thinks of Miami's 7th Floor Crew.

Much to the chagrin of Florida fans, Chris Leak plans on coming back next season.

Tennessee defeated Kentucky, thus depriving everyone the chance to see some more Kitten skin. As attractive and endowed as the lovely Kitten is, I think the Wildcats could use a little more motivation for next season. An Ashley Judd billboard should do the trick. ... The Phil Fulmer blame game continued on Sunday, as Phat Phil fired two more assistant coaches. It will be interesting to see (next year) if David Cutcliffe's past success was a result of offensive genius or simply coaching two quarterbacks with the Manning surname.

Only 16?

Ole Miss fell to Mississippi State in the Egg Bowl. Not good for Rebel fans. Thankfully ESPN had the sense to not renew the TV contract for this series. Otherwise I would have been forced to watch the game. Things aren't getting much better for the Fighting Steroid Freaks, as Ol' Ed has fired his offensive coordinator and cannot convince USC pals Lane Kiffin or Steve Sarkisian to make the permanent move to Oxford. Plus, that pesky little Tulane recruiting scandal will not go away.

Finally, the 'Dawgs outlasted the Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech in the Clean Old-Fashioned Hate battle in Hotlanta. The Yellow Jackets looked to be on their way to a 4th quarter comeback until Reggie Ball did his best Chris Rix impersonation (minus the handicap parking tickets). Also, Leonard Pope frightens me (as well as every defensive back in the SEC this season).

Jawja fan taking it up a notch.

The sound must be deafening.

That horse has left the barn,

Keith Jackson

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Previous Next Written November 28, 2005 (Posted October 16, 2007)