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2005 Week 12

Head Ball Coaches,

Iron Bowl. Army-Navy. Ohio State-Michigan. The Game. The Big Game. The Bedlam Series. The Lonestar Showdown. Florida-Florida State. USC-UCLA. SC-Clemson. Colorado-Nebraska. Virginia-Virginia Tech. Border War. Civil War. Backyard Brawl. Territorial Cup. Apple Cup. Governors Cup. Egg Bowl. And the list goes on.... The remainder of the season will showcase some of college football's biggest rivalry games. Bragging rights, conference titles, and bowl hopes are all on the line. Since I'm spending way too much time typing up these e-mails on Sunday and Monday, I'm going live journal style next weekend. 12+ hours of non-stop reporting from Casa de Treadway on the day's college football events. If there is a God, Lee Corso will forget to take his meds and Brent Musberger will be calling the Ohio State - Michigan game.

Start the brainwashing early.

What took so long?

Miami toyed with Wake Forest before blowing out the Demon Deacons (there's definitely a joke in there somewhere) 47-17. Glad to see things at Miami are returning to historical fields both on and off the field. The following is definitely NSFW but absolutely awesome.

Tommy's Clemson Tigers defeated Bobby's Seminoles in Bowden Bowl VII. Once again the elder Bowden took a dive for a close friend or relative. The Seminoles are still searching for performance at the quarterback position. Perhaps they should sign up the fan who won $1 million with a 25-yard toss through a wood board cutout at the end of the 1st quarter. About time to put Bobby out to pasture.

Big 11
Fighting Illini football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head Coach Ron Zook immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called in to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was in fact the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again. ... Another week, another ass-kicking for the Illini. Purdont lit up the Illini by a count of 37-3. At least our scoring trend is in the right direction. Only Illinois can make Alabama look like an offensive juggernaut. The line for this week's game against Northwestern has the Wildcats favored by 14.5. Once again, it's a good thing I don't live in Vegas. I'd be taking out a mortgage and painting my body purple on the way to the casino.

Before the Indiana-Michigan game in Ann Arbor, the Hoosiers deemed it a good idea to stomp around on the "M" logo at the center of the field at Michigan Stadium. Not. Too. Bright. Indiana promptly surrendered 41 first half points to the Wolverines. Up next for Michigan is the perennial game of the year against the Buckeyes. As always, this one will have New Year's Day bowl hopes hanging in the balance. tOSU easily handled Northwestern last week. The Luckeyes even completed a few forward passes. Should be a great game at the Big House.

Rivalries take shape in elementary school.

'Sconsin choked away their opportunity to send Coach Sizzler Steak out on a winning note in Madison. Iowa came to town and dominated the 2nd half against an uninspired Barry Alvarez squad. The Badgers have a losing record during November over the past few years. Enjoy the week off before heading to Hawaii to end the season. ... Michigan State continued their annual second half collapse in Minnesota. The Fighting Glen Masons usually pull an "el foldo" act in November but are hanging tough this season. John L Smith needs to right the ship against Penn State on Saturday or Sparty won't be going to a bowl game this year. Boo hoo. A win for PSU would clinch the Big Ten title and set them up for a Fiesta or (more likely) Orange Bowl berth.

Nittany Dynamite.

Big 12
Texas slobberknockered (I'm running out of terms to describe a really bad beatdown) the Fighting Manginos in Austin. Vince Young is still my front runner for the Heisman. The Longhorns must be bored waiting for the inevitable Rose Bowl showdown with the Condoms. ... After a trying offseason filled with sexual harassment and recruiting scandals, Gary Barnett received a contract extension last week. Just in time for the Buffaloes to suck it up against the Cyclones in Ames. Before the game a tornado warning cleared out the stadium. Think God was trying to tell Gary something? ... The Texas A&M free-fall continues, and Oklahoma appears to be coming back to life. Don't look now, but the combined record of the teams that the Sooners have lost to is 29-2. ... Missouri became bowl eligible with a win over Baylor. Brad Smith is one of the most exciting players you rarely see on TV. Hopefully the bowl game matches him up against a pathetic defense. ... Texas Tech dropped a decision to 4-5 Oklahoma State. Ouch. Welcome to real football, Mike Leach. ... Nebraska took down K State in Manhattan by a whopping 2 points. Coach Callahan made the brilliant decision to burn the redshirt of a promising quarterback in the 4th quarter of the 10th game of the year. I think Bill needs to head back to the West Coast to get some coaching tips from Snoop Dogg.

MAC/Big East
I'm grouping these two conferences because the talent level is about the same. Sorry MAC fans, it's true. SUNJ danced on the Cardinal logo (what the hell is wrong with these young whippersnappers) prior to their game with Louisville and then promptly got trounced 56-14. ... West Virginia, Pittsburgh, and South Florida rolled to victories. USF controls their own destiny and could gain a BCS bowl berth if they win out. Yikes. ... In Directional Michigan action, Western defeated Central, and Eastern fell to the Ball State Lettermans.

If Shelley Smith gets any closer to USC somebody is going to need to surgically remove her nose from the Trojans collective ass. The Men of Troy (or, if you prefer, the University of South Central) defeated Cal in pedestrian fashion, 35-10. Ayoob spelled backwards is Boo-Ya! I'm absolutely amazed that a Tedford-coached quarterback can be that bad. ... Washington scored their first conference victory over an up-and-down Arizona team in Tucson. ... The Quack Attack outlasted Wazzu in Pullman, 34-31. Oregon State fell to Stanford and needs a win over the Ducks to become bowl eligible. Cover your eyes during the Civil War game this weekend: Nike is expected to unveil Oregon's seventh uniform combo of the season for their annual contest with Oregon State. ... UCLA didn't do much to improve their reputation in a 45-35 victory over Arizona State.

Les diables du soleil sont sur l'Úpreuve. Additionally, Les diables have adopted the shocker as their school's official hand gesture.

'Cats win! 'Cats win! The shirt comes off Friday. Go Kentucky!

The original USC 30 - Gators 22. The Ol' Ball Coach took it to his former team in Columbia on Saturday. After the game Urban Meyer broke down (once again) when talking about his team's performance and where they would go from here. Apparently, there is crying in football. Urban shall henceforth be know as the Ol' Bawl Coach.

Notre Dame fans give thanks.

Can't say that I disagree.

In the week's only Top 5 (and offensively challenged) matchup, LSU took down Alabama on their home turf in Tuscaloosa. I tip my cap to both defenses and pinch my nostrils at both offenses. Good God, my eyes!

Awesome sight from the LSU-Alabama pregame festivities. No, it's not a shot of Tracy Wolfson.

No one needs to see this; get a room. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

In more defensively challenged action, Auburn defeated Georgia in one of the most entertaining games of the year. Both Auburn's Kenny Irons and UGA's Leonard Pope are scary good. The Plains and Between the Hedges are on my future list of football venue visits.

Classic photo from the past: UGA V vs. Auburn receiver.

Arkansas defeated the Fighting Orgerons for their first SEC win. More important events are happening in Oxford on November 16th, however. At the rest of the SEC, they redshirt football players who are not quite ready for prime time. At Ole Miss, they redshirt Miss Americas.

Tennessee squeaked by Memphis by a 20-16 tally. And that was a Memphis team without the services of the nation's leading rusher, DeAngelo Williams. Not good. Latest rumor from Knoxville is that Norm Chow has been contacted about becoming Tennessee's offensive coordinator. The rest of the college football word should pray to whatever god or idol they worship that Bobby Bowden doesn't get the same bright idea. Stat of the day: Florida State has 46 four-star and 11 five-star recruits on its roster. Wow.

My SuperFan status has been trumped. Big time.

Oh the band is out on the field!

Joe Starkey

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Previous Next Written November 16, 2005 (Posted October 16, 2007)