RammerJammerYellowHammers,

Thank God Florida has a bye week so innocent bystanders don't have to witness that train wreck the Gators call an offense next weekend. The pathetic play is enough to make a grown man cry, which is exactly what Urban Meyer did after his team sucked it up against a fumbling, bumbling, stumbling LSU Tiger team. Even Les kept his composure after the Tennessee debacle (and if ever there was a time for crying because of shitty play, that was it). As if the crying wasn't enough, check out the deer-in-headlights look at the end of the Florida-Alabama game during the famous 'Bama victory chant. Welcome to the SEC, boy wonder.

Alabama outlasted the Fighting Orgerons near the Grove. The backup QB celebrated the victory with a little drinky/drivey and was arrested. Moron. The Crimson Tide offense looked mired in mud without the option of throwing to Tyrone Prothro. And then the next best option at wide receiver went down with an injury. NG. Better get it together in a hurry, as the hated deer hunters from Knoxville invade Alabama on Saturday. ... Barring an unwelcome visit from Hurricane Wilma this weekend, Doug, Janice, & I will be in Tuscaloosa on the 3rd, err, 4th Saturday in October (damn calendar screwing with football tradition) for the 'Bama - Tennessee contest. The Crimson Tide had better not screw it up, because I won't be a happy camper unless I hear the rammer jammer chant before leaving Bryant-Denny Stadium on Saturday evening.

The SEC is Number Won!

In case you missed it, USC up-ended the Golden Domers on the Notre Dame Broadcasting Company in what everybody is calling the latest game of the century. Tickets were in such high demand that daughters were auctioning off a chance to get busy with their mom in exchange for a ticket to the game (o.k., maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration - see the following article). Reggie Bush made his case for the Heisman (again). Matt Leinart showed serious testicular fortitude when calling an audible on 4th-and-9 with his team trailing late in the fourth quarter. When is somebody going to step up and knock off these posers? A little less-than-legal push from the President sealed the deal for the Trojans. And what did the moral victory get the Domers? 16th place in the newly released BCS standings. Bha ha ha! Notre Dame needs to be ranked in the Top 12 to get invited to a BCS game. Here's to hoping they choke away a few more 4th quarter leads on their way to the (I know it has a new name but I don't care) Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl.

Touchdown Jesus

Holding Jesus

In a football pool first, we have a 3-way tie for the Lloyd Carr coaching move of the week. First mention goes to Minnesota's Glen Mason for not taking a safety and using that stupid ass punt formation (SAPF) in the final moments against Wisconsin. Of course the punt was blocked and Wisconsin recovered the loose ball in the end zone, assuring the Badgers would take Paul Bunyan's Axe back to Madison. ... Second mention goes to John L. Smith, whose special teams and clock management at the end of the 1st half against tOSU led to a blocked field goal being returned for a touchdown. The head coach promptly passed all blame off to the special teams coach. Classy. No wonder assistants were willing to leave East Lansing for the greener pastures of Champaign. There was a brief Ted Ginn sighting in Columbus on Saturday before Senator Tressel put the kibosh on the excitement. Additionally, I'm convinced that you could put Stephen Hawking on the 2nd wide receiver in Troy Smith's route progression and be fairly confident that receiver could be contained. I can already envision the Wheelchair Wizard talking a little smack using his Intel-powered speech synthesizer. Awesome. And yes, I'm going straight to hell for that one. ... Final mention goes to the award's namesake, Lloyd Carr, for calling a pass route in which the receiver catches the ball on the three yard line with less than five seconds on the clock and no timeouts when the team is trailing in the 4th quarter. Thankfully for the Wolverines, Steve Breaston dropped the pass, leaving enough time for one more shot at the end zone. Chad hit Mario for the winning score to complete the amazing comeback. Bad news for the Nittany Lions, too, as star freshman receiver Derrick Williams is out for the rest of the season with a broken arm. PSU travels to the 'Paign next week to take on the Illini. At least we won't have to hear this ridiculousness every other minute.

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Those crazy Boilermakers.

Other random happenings from Saturday's action: FSU fell to Virginia in Charlottesville. Where do the 'Noles keep finding these receivers? They're all 6'-4" beanpoles with 40" verticals who run sub-4.4 40's and have stickier hands than Peter Warrick on a Dillard's shopping spree. Virginia Tech is now the lone undefeated team in the ACC. ... Cal lost to Oregon State at Berkeley. WTF? Mike Hass is the best wide receiver you've never heard of. ... Stanford picked up another victory, this time outlasting Arizona in a desert matchup. I'm not sure how you go from competing with USC to losing to the Cardinal, but the Wildcats managed to pull it off. ... UCLA got a big scare from Wazzu in Pullman but came away with an overtime win. The Bruins are still on track for an undefeated showdown with the Trojans in November. ... Nebraska picked up a win over the mighty Baylor Bears. Next up for Big Red is a trip to Columbia for a Big 12 North shootout against Mizzou. ... Vince Young did everything but kick the extra points in leading the Longhorns to victory against Colorado. What more does this guy have to do to win the Heisman? Texas is currently ranked #2 in the BCS standings and should control their destiny to the Rose Bowl.

I thought Virginia Tech was #3

Mixed week for Directional Michigan - Central defeated Ohio. Big battle for the Chippewas next week against Toledo for the lead in the West Division of the MAC. Eastern fell to Directional Illinois (Northern) by a 24-8 count. I'm proposing a new league with the directional schools from Illinois, Michigan, Kentucky, and Tennessee. They should be able to field teams capable of knocking off the powerhouses in the joke-of-a-BCS conference that they call the Big East. The 'Cuse is 1-5. Louisville, a preseason Top 10 team with a road practically paved in gold to an undefeated season, fell to 0-2 in conference play. Connecticut lost to Cincinnati (that would almost be respectable in basketball). Earlier in the season, Rutgers (SUNJ!) lost to Illinois (oh, the humanity!).

It's rolling, baby, it's rolling!

Mike Price