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2005 Bowl Season Recap

56 teams. 28 games. 16 days. 1 crazy college football fan. And a metric assload of links.

By far the worst news of the postseason comes from the ESPN decision to allow Sunday Night Football announcers Mike Patrick and Paul Maguire join the network's college football commentator team for the '06 season. Horrible idea. If they let Theismann in on the action I will start a letter writing campaign that will not end until the whole crew is ousted. It's bad enough that we're left with Lou Holtz after the Treveshamockery firing that took place early in the season.

Some things are more important than football.

WTF Awards. Big warning for the faint of heart - there's a photo of Tyrone's leg break in here.

College football teams as South Park characters.

College football teams as internet clichés.

Move over Lawrence Phillips - we need a few more seats on the short bus.

Get out of jail free cards?

Noel Devine - the next Reggie Bush?

Big & Rich beatdown in your ci-tay.

Bowl gift packages.

Dec. 20, New Orleans Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Southern Mississippi
Somebody explain to me why ESPN could show this game in HD but couldn't get me a high definition Musberger broadcast of Ohio State at Michigan. I should write the Entertainment Sports Network and ask for a 23 cent refund (the 3-hour portion of my monthly DirecTV bill). Give yourself a one-handed pat on the back if you can answer any of the following questions about Arkansas State: (1) What is the school's mascot? (2) In which conference does the school play? (3) In which city is the school located? I was 0-for-3. Southern Miss. won the game by a 31-19 count.

Dec. 21, GMAC Bowl: Toledo vs. UTEP
I'm guessing Mike Price didn't make the 60-mile drive from Mobile, AL, to Pensacola, FL, for a round of golf and an evening on the town. This game was being played at the same time as the Busch Braggin' Rights contest (that's Missouri vs. Illinois for the college basketball impaired), so I didn't catch all of the action. Every time I changed the channel to watch a few minutes of the game, however, some poor Miner defender was getting toasted for a touchdown pass. There were a lot of empty seats in the house. Perhaps everyone left early to get to Arety's Angels before the postgame rush.

Dec. 22, Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl: BYU vs. California
I'm a little surprised Cali won this game. Figured the Berkeley thugs would party it up on the Strip while the Cougars stayed home and read the Book of Mormon. Game was a typical West Coast affair, complete with 915 yards of total offense and 188 penalty yards.

Trash talk, BYU style.

Dec. 22, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Colorado State vs. Navy
"The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room." Impossible to talk about this contest without throwing in cheesy Top Gun quotes. Colorado State, much like the fine, outstanding entrepreneurs of the red light district, never had a chance once it was announced the Midshipmen would be invading America's Finest City. Navy won the game 50-31. Running back Reggie Campbell tied a bowl game record with 5 rushing touchdowns.

Dec. 23, Fort Worth Bowl: Houston vs. Kansas
Am I the only one that thinks Mark Mangino bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew? OK then. The Jayhawks thumped Houston 42-13. A fine showing by Conference USA. Nothing else worth talking about. Why does Fort Worth have a bowl? At least get a sponsor to liven things up (and give me something else to make fun of).

Dec. 24, Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Nevada vs. UCF
First game (of three) during Bowl Season that was not shown in high definition. I'm willing to give ABC/ESPN a pass on this one since it is awfully expensive to get HDTV trucks to Hawaii. 1178 yards of total offense put on the board in this defensive struggle. Nevada won the game in overtime when the UCF kicker missed an extra point. Doh!

Dec. 26, Motor City Bowl: Akron vs. Memphis
Confession time. This was the only bowl game I missed in its entirety because I was on a plane from Chicago to Portland. Nothing screams "I need a Tivo!" more than missing the Motor City Bowl. The Zips and Tigers are part of the select few teams excited about being in Detroit in late December. It was neat for several players, as many of them had never experienced a snowstorm before. Whatever floats your boat. DeAngelo Williams had yet another banner day, rushing for 233 yards and setting the NCAA record for career all-purpose yards. Memphis won the game by a 38-31 count.

Dec. 27, Champs Sports Bowl: Clemson vs. Colorado
The Buffs mailed it in for this one, losing 19-10 to Clemson. The Tigers came up with yet another late season surge to finish with eight victories. They would be perennial Top 10 fixtures if Tommy could figure out how to coach in August & September. Maybe he's too busy worrying about his daughter baring all for the world to see.

Bobby would be rolling over in his grave if he wasn't still busy coaching the Seminoles. Link definitely NSFW.

Gary's last hurrah.

More great news for the Colorado football program.

Time to put Ralphie out to pasture.

Dec. 27, Insight Bowl: Les Diables du Soleil vs. SUNJ!
Jimmy Kimmel vs. James Gandolfini. ASU took down the Scarlet Knights in a 45-40 thriller. Resident Sun Devil Kyle was in the house for the festivities, which included 1210 total yards of offense. Apparently they don't teach defense west of the Rockies. Oh well, it makes for exciting bowl games. Both teams finished 7-5 for the season. The great thing about Rutgers football (especially for coach Greg Schiano) is that a 7-5 record gets you a contract extension instead of a concrete-footed journey to the bottom of the East River.

Dec. 28, MPC Computers Bowl: Boise State vs. Boston College
MPC Computers CEO Mike Atkins turned the pregame banquet into a Boise State pep rally and insulted Eagles defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka in the process. Classy. Look for the ACC to rethink their contract with the MPCC Bowl. The antics were enough to motivate Boston College to a 27-21 victory over the Broncos on the blue turf. The game was the last one for Dan Hawkins as the Boise State head coach; he's now off to Colorado to clean up the steaming pile left behind by Gary Barnett.

Dec. 28, MasterCard Alamo Bowl: Michigan vs. Nebraska
Lloyd Carr vs. Bill Callahan. Not exactly Karpov vs. Kasparov, if you know what I mean. These coaches exude all the enthusiasm and excitement of a bran muffin breakfast, complete with the facial expressions that occur during the over-50 post-breakfast newspaper-reading constitutional. I was so excited about the verbosity and wit of that last sentence that I wasn't even going to talk about the game, because anything else would have been a letdown. And then the Sun Belt officials calling the game did their best David Parry impersonation. Somewhere Joe Paterno is cracking a smile.

And I would like to remind everyone that the 2000 Michigan-Illinois debacle in Champaign (look it up, I'll get too pissed off if I have to explain it) is the reason we have instant reply in college football. It's not my fault the officials, and I use that term very loosely, forgot to use it in the Alamo Bowl. The final Cal-Stanford flashback play gave us yet another award to be doled out during the pool's weekly recaps: the Tyler Ecker Dumbass Play of the Week (TEDPOTW). Instead of lateraling to one of the best return men in college football (Steve Breaston) for what would have been a sure touchdown, Tyler decides to run into a crowd of two Nebraska defenders near the sideline before being tackled around the 15 yard line. What. The. Fuck. I don't even like Michigan and I'm getting worked up about it. Serenity now!

I don't want to keep talking about this game, but I just can't stop. If Mario Manningham (you know, the same guy that caught the last-second TD vs. Penn State) hadn't developed butterfingers, or if Lloyd Carr could coach his way out of a wet paper bag, Michigan wouldn't have needed a minor miracle at the end of the game. And what is up with Chad Henne? One minute he looks like Peyton Manning; the next minute he looks like Scott Weaver.

Student body left?

Alamo aftermath.

Another day, another Fire Lloyd site. Or should we say L-L-L-L-Loyd?

Grandma hits the beer bong in Ann Arbor.

Dead Schembechlers band. Yikes.

Dec. 29, Emerald Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Utah
Ramblin' Wreck 10, Utes 38? Wow. Way to motivate your team, Chan Gailey. You take a team that defeated Auburn and Miami (although, admittedly, that's not looking impressive after their bowl game showings) and get pasted by a Mountain West Conference opponent. Reggie Ball was 18-for-38 with 1 TD and 2 INTs. Not good.

Dec. 29, Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Oregon
Sideline reporter says, "You gotta love a team that puts diamond plate patterns on their knees" when discussing Oregon's Holiday Bowl uniforms. Keith Jackson replies, "Why?" Classic. ... The Bill Gramatica Dumbass Celebration of the Week (BGDCOTW) goes to Sooner running back Adrian Peterson, who hit his head on a teammate's helmet after jumping up to celebrate an OU touchdown, thus opening a forehead gash that required several stitches to repair. The Sooners trailed at halftime but came out firing on all cylinders in the 3rd quarter. I'm not sure how Coach Stoops had enough time to make those adjustments after the lengthy knob-polishing halftime question/answer session with sideline reporter Holly Rowe. Television viewers worldwide were thankful Holly wasn't sporting her South Beach attire.

Dec. 30, Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Minnesota vs. Virginia
More inexplicable events after this game, as Glen Mason somehow parlayed another piss-poor coaching performance into a contract extension worth about $1.6 million per year. Minnesota was behind by three and driving inside Cavalier territory with 40 seconds to go (and timeouts to spare). So what do the Gophers do? Throw a Hail Mary pass to the end zone that is promptly intercepted by Virginia. Brilliant. At least another 4 years of Glen Mason will give me plenty of fodder for the Pool's weekly e-mails.

Dec. 30, Vitalis Sun Bowl: Northwestern vs. UCLA
1037 yards of total offense in this 50-38 barnburner (won by the Bruins). The Wildcats have a longer bowl win drought (in number of years) than Notre Dame. Their last bowl win was a Rose Bowl victory over Cal in 1948. Not that I can sit behind my computer and throw darts ( o.k., I can and do so frequently) ... the last Illini bowl victory was over Virginia in the 1999 MicronPC.com bowl, and their play the last few seasons has been of toilet bowl quality.

El Paso, hello!

Dec. 30, (Why isn't it still called the Poulan Weed Eater) Independence Bowl: Missouri vs. South Carolina
Brad Smith would have been a Heisman candidate if he had performed like that all year long. The senior QB accounted for 432 of Missouri's 504 total yards on offense. Mizzou won the game by a 38-31 tally. 'Cock fans (get yer minds out of the gutter) are looking forward to another year of the Fun 'N' Gun (quit calling it the Cock 'N' Fire) and competitive football. Still going to be awfully difficult to break ahead of the Big 3 in the SEC East (UF, UGA, UT) on a consistent basis.

Dec. 30, Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: LSU vs. Miami
I'm almost positive Bob Griese was drunk during this game. There hasn't been that much stuttering and stammering since I asked out the cutie in my U. of I. organic chemistry class 12 years ago. (She said yes; the date was nothing short of a disaster, though). ... LSU came out and gave a good ol' fashioned woodshed beating to the Hurricanes. Backup whitey (somebody was going to say it, might as well document it for the Pool) QB Matt Flynn had an efficient day, and Joseph Addai ran roughshod over the Miami defense. And the Hurricanes must have decided the ass-kicking they took on the field wasn't enough as they instigated a post-game brawl that led to two Miami players being knocked unconscious. After a fake field goal and a fake punt by LUS (while leading by 31+ points), Tiger fans have no right to complain the next time somebody gives them a beatdown and does a little showboating.

Looks to me like Larry is searching for scapegoats. My worry is that the U will suck so bad next year that Coker will get fired and Butch Davis will be rehired.

Illinois' link to LSU. Besides the failed Lou Tepper experiment.

Dec. 31, Meineke Car Care Bowl: NC State vs. USF
South Florida dropped a donut on the scoreboard against the Wolfpack on this New Year's Eve bowl game. Welcome to Division 1A football. Tidbit from the game: Chuck Amato is a former heavyweight wrestling champion. That would explain the King Kong Bundy-like man boobs. The Chuckster was quite spry after the victory, twice eluding the clichéd Gatorade shower from his players.

Dec. 31, AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Fresno State vs. Tulsa
Somebody explain to me how the Bulldogs nearly win at USC but can't secure victories against Nevada and Tulsa. Paul Pinegar looked like Chad Henne in this game, telegraphing his passes and throwing two interceptions to seal the game for the Golden Hurricanes.

Dec. 31, EV1.net Houston Bowl: Iowa State vs. TCU
Iowa State couldn't beat Kansas to win the Big 12 North, so I have no idea why I thought they should beat TCU. I don't know how EV1 came up with enough cash to sponsor this game, because their web site looks like amateur night at the Apollo (you have no idea how hard it is to work in a Kool Mo Dee reference in a college football e-mail). A 44-yard field goal in the 4th quarter by Peter Lococo clinched the 27-24 victory for the Horned Frogs.

Jan. 2, College Football GameDay and the Tournament of Roses Parade
GameDay started at 6:30 a.m. PST. It's still dark outside at that hour. For the first time in 50 years it rained on the Rose Parade. Thank you Teri Hatcher for that factoid. What a joke having the two "Desperate Housewives" morons host the parade. Impossible to beat the KTLA broadcast of the event. At least ABC was broadcasting the parade in HDTV.

Jan. 2, AT&T Cotton Bowl: Alabama vs. Texas Tech
Second game of the Bowl Season not shown in HDTV. Blame FOX for this one. Not a huge loss, as no one really needs to Alabama's offense or the Texas Tech defense in high definition. Get used to the shitty FOX broadcasting crews, as they pick up the major BCS bowl games starting next year. That's gonna suck. Chris Rix was the sideline reporter for the game - it was like having Holly Rowe without the football knowledge. Male Alabama fans and players could take a few queer eye for the straight guy tips from Senor Rix, however. I haven't seen that many people with mop top haircuts since the Beatles topped the Billboard charts. The last-second, game-winning field goal by Tide kicker Jamie Christensen was not a thing of beauty, but all that matters is that it went through the uprights. Final score: 'Bama 13, Red Raiders 10.

Fox 11 news at 10. Live, local, & late-breaking.

Tracking Crimson Tide coaches' recruiting trips.


Jan. 2, Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Iowa
Hope you enjoyed the ride, Iowa fans. Kirk will be jumping soon to the NFL and then it's back to battling the Cyclones for recruits, respect, and recognition. Maybe the Big 12 North could extend the Hawkeyes an offer so the Big Ten could once again have 10 teams. ... Chris Leak had a good day for the Gators but still looks like a deer in headlights anytime he is asked to step outside the pocket. My guess is he will start at QB next year but be yanked in favor of all-everything quarterback Tim Tebow at the first sign of a sputtering offense. ... If I didn't know better I could've sworn a Sun Belt crew was officiating this game. The Squawks got screwed in this one with questionable calls on roughing the kicker, a late hit, and the 4th quarter offsides penalty on the onside kick that Iowa recovered.

Jan. 2, Toyota Gator Bowl: Louisville vs. Virginia Tech
Third (and final) game of the Bowl Season not shown in HDTV. NBC doesn't have NFL games, and Notre Dame is on ABC tonight, so I don't know why the peacocks couldn't haul their cameras to Florida for a high def broadcast. No wonder this network is going down the crapper. The Hokies won a 35-24 battle with a 22-point fourth quarter outburst. The younger Vick once again demonstrated his maturity level when stepping on Louisville All-American Elvis Dumervil's leg after being sacked just before halftime.

Jan. 2, Capital One Bowl: Auburn vs. Wisconsin
Somebody needs to tell the Tigers that the Capitol One Bowl was played on January 2nd, because the team that tore through the SEC this season didn't show up on Monday afternoon. Badger running back Brian Calhoun gained 213 yards on the day while making the Auburn defense look silly. The game was the final one as head coach for Barry Alvarez, who takes over athletic director duties and gives up the coaching reigns to Bret Bielema.

Bad, bad, bad idea to give Bret a contract with an out clause for an in-conference rival.

Jan. 2, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Ohio State
The Pool would like to extend another welcome, this time to the Irish, to Division 1A football. This game marked the appearance of a new Nokia commercial starring the crazy break-up chick (Jill). Yikes. Someone actually considered dating her after seeing the first commercial? ... Brent Musberger, Gary my man, and Jackaroo were announcing the game. I'm not sure, but I think Ted & Santonio are still running throughout the Domer secondary. Not sure why it took Coach SweaterVest so long to use Ted Ginn, Jr. as an offensive weapon. He'll have to be the man at wide receiver next year, as it looks likely that Santonio is headed to the NFL. ... Congratulations to the Domers on eight straight bowl game losses (a new NCAA record!). The last time Notre Dame won a bowl game, some of you were still in high school (January 1994). ... Did you know that Brady Quinn's sister is dating Buckeye linebacker A.J. Hawk? I don't know how you wouldn't, because ABC mentioned it every 5 minutes on Monday afternoon.

Hot or not?

Fiesta! Now that's a trophy.

How to be a Notre Dame fan.

Fiesta Bowl haikus.

Bye, Bye Misters Davie and Ty.

Who in the hell has this kind of bling in college? Pick a prize if you guessed tOSU football players.

Uh oh. Are the Buckeyes in trouble again?

Jan. 2, Nokia Sugar Bowl: Georgia vs. West Virginia
Think of it as the Couth vs. Uncouth Redneck Bowl. West Virginia might very well be the only opponent with fans white trashier (that word should be in the dictionary if it isn't already) than Georgia. If your school is best known for couch burning and Pittsnogling, you might want to hire a new PR consultant. ... The Dawgs had a few early turnovers and fell behind 28-0. Nothing like taking a pro-Georgia crowd out of the game early. Things got interesting in the 2nd half; West Virginia iced the 38-35 victory with a fake punt late in the fourth quarter. The entire Georgia coaching staff earns the first collective LCCMOTW for not figuring out how to stop or disrupt the SAPF that the Mountaineers used the entire game.

The always classy SEC fan base. Possibly NSFW.

No boobies during the Sugar Bowl parade? Clearly, the terrorists have won.

Jan. 3, FedEx Orange Bowl: FSU vs. Penn State
ABC wouldn't shut up about Laura Quinn last night and then waits until the 2nd quarter to give us a glimpse of Jenn Sterger? Unacceptable. ... Entertaining first half. Despite an atrocious offense with a freshman QB under center, the 'Noles are only down 1 (thanks to those oh-so-accurate Florida State kickers). ... I know when I think of college football games involving throwback coaching legends Bowden & Paterno that Ciara is the first person that pops into mind to provide halftime entertainment. Apparently simulated sex is o.k. if a nipple doesn't make an appearance.

Pop quiz, hotshots. It's 4th & 2 on the PSU 32 yard line. You've spent the entire 3rd quarter in Penn State territory yet have zero points to show for it. Your offensive coordinator is Jeff Bowden, and you ran for a whopping total of 26 yards against the PSU defense in the first half. What do you do? (1) Punt to pin the Lions deep in their own territory. (2) Attempt a field goal that would give you the lead. (3) Run outside against a defense that has been dominating you all night. Idiots. ... Wide left! Isn't that ironic? Not sure whether it's a reward or punishment to have to watch these two offenses play for an overtime victory. ... And now Wide Right V. They need to mic Bobby B. for those. Then Wide Left II by the Nittany Lions? JoePa just soiled his Depends. This is getting ridiculous. ... Off the right upright! Out of control. Game over. Just sitting on the couch watching that game for five hours made me exhausted. Only one game left in the college football season.

Was a rotund freshman punter responsible for Florida State's victory in the ACC Championship game?

JoePa: Coach, Comedian, Quotable Deity.

Looks about right.

1-on-1 interview with Jenn Sterger (for, you know, thorough reporting on college football related items and "journalistic integrity"). Pic possibly NSFW.

Jan. 4, The Rose Bowl Presented by Citi: Texas vs. USC
I thought we were banning these idiot celebrities from the sidelines? Sweater Girls and the Chicks in Chaps looking good. Beautiful sunset. Cool B1 flyover. Keith Jackson is announcing the game. Why did I ever leave Pasadena? ... Both teams suffering from a case of fumbleitis. Nice lateral Reggie. That just earned him the 2nd TEDPOTW of the bowl season. Dumbass. ... Missed call on the Vince Young pitch; he was definitely down. 16-10 at halftime. ... If I'm Vince Young and/or David Thomas, I'm kicking ass and taking names in the locker room after the game. VY looked like Superman again and DT was solid at tight end; the rest of their teammates choked up a gigantic hairball. Pete should've punted on 4th down. And why keep blitzing the best running quarterback in college football? Helen Keller could've seen those blitzes coming. ... Big congrats to the Longhorns. They earned their Rose Bowl victory and first national title since before I was born.

Dewey v. Truman, USC-Texas style.

Best prime rib in Southern California. Thanks to Todd and others for taking me there for my 23rd birthday dinner.

Bevo. (Use bugmenot.com to get a valid registration)

An inebriated Matt Leinart hitting on a Texas hottie after the Heisman Trophy ceremony in New York.

Thanks to all who participated in this year's pool. I hope everyone will be back for another season starting in September. Less than eight months until the 2006 season begins. Go Illini!

Dr. T

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Previous Next Written January 4, 2006 (Posted October 13, 2007)